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As a brand devoted to men and men's interests, we try to provide you with the best and most extensive penis news coverage on the internet. If it happened to a wang, or effects your dingdong in some way, we'll tell you about it. The most exciting penis news of this week, of course, was when Science Revealed the Average Penis Size.
Does "stretched" mean erections? Or are we talking like Puppetry of the Penis? But that wasn't our only penis coverage this week. We also had an essay by a guy who Wants His Foreskin Back —which is probably not gonna happen, but a fella can dream, right? And an Illustrated History of Weird Erectile Dysfunction Curesin which we learned that crocodile hearts and witches burned at the stake were once thought to be medical cures for lazy boners. Spoiler alert: Not so much. But try as we might, sometimes penis stories slip through the cracks. And that's Funny dick stories we've created a new series, This Week In Penises.
Come back every Friday for the penis news you need to know to be a responsible and knowledgable schlong owner. And her boyfriend, Michael Sheen—star of the Showtime series Masters of Sex —is not just the luckiest guy alive, but a talented actor in his own right.
But this week, we learned something that maybe he didn't want shared. Maybe not your typical penis-naming homage. But hey, who are we to judge? What's the connection? We don't know. And neither Silverman nor Sheen are offering an explanation or a denial.
We'll leave it up to you to speculate. Like this guy, who for some reason decided to put his erect penis into a roll of Scotch tape and then, upon discovering that he couldn't remove it, advertise this fact on 4chan, a social image bulletin board, in the hopes of getting some guidance on how to get the damn thing off.
He posted some photos, which are in no discernible way SFW or even safe for your brain. Let's just say it looked exactly like what you'd think a boner stuck in a roll of tape would look like. We're still not sure what happened to him—he stopped sharing updates after drawing a smiley face on his wang—but if you're wondering why he did it in the first place, here's his explanation:. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone on that one. If you really need to read the entire NSFW ordeal, you can find it here.
Fight For Your Balls Norwegian underwear brand ComfyBalls has set up a pollasking the public to weigh Funny dick stories on that timeless question: "Are balls immoral? Please provide a suggestion. But we can do better. We should do better. For His Gigantic Dong There are a lot of reasons why marriages end. Infidelity, irreconcilable differences, they accidentally got married while drunk in Vegas.
But here's one for the record books: She wanted out of the marriage because his weiner was too ginormous. A Nigerian woman filed for divorce from her husband after only one week, claiming that his penis was "too big" and their sexual experiences were "a nightmare. Which just goes to show you How adorably 19th century! We suppose so, since it was reported as news in Kent, in southeastern England. A 26 year-old guy Funny dick stories Dick Humphreys—and if that's not a porn name, it will be soon—was making dinner with his girlfriend, Lucy, when he discovered what Kent Online described as a "knobbly spud.
According to the news source, Mr. Humphreys, upon making the discovery, "spent the next five minutes playing around with it. Among the ten revelations were two—yes, two —bits of advice that explained how penises sometimes change in extreme room temperatures. Really, Cosmo? Your readers weren't aware that balls hang "extra low" when it's too hot? Or that penises "shrink when it's cold"? That's the best you got? Okay, two can play at that game. That's urine, dude! Believe it or not, pee comes out of that hole, too!
Weird, right? It happens. But somebody has to be the exception that makes the rule, right? Our point is, if your joystick is above average, maybe you keep it in your pants. Especially when there are kids around. Somebody definitely should have mentioned that to a certain sixth-grade teacher in Dallas, who decided it was a good idea to tell his students that "My dick goes all the way to that fence.
As of this writing, the teacher and his fence-dick have yet to be disciplined. If you want to keep things classy, you follow the example of actor Richard Madden, who plays Prince Charming in the upcoming live-action movie adaptation of Cinderella. If there's one thing that any reasonable parent wants in a Disney movie for their kids, it's characters who don't wear clothes that show off their gigantic cocks. And Madden was sympathetic to that need. The crotch corset was so tight, Madden said, that there were "tears welling in my eyes.
Penises Are Funny, Except When They're Totally Not We get a lot of studies shared with us, but this was one that made us think, "You seriously don't have anything else you could be doing with your day? YESSS Electrical, a wholesale supplier of electrical products and not, as their name would suggest, a producer of gonzo pornconducted a study for some reason about what British people are most likely to draw on a dirt-covered white van.
No, no, we're not kidding, this happened, and they tallied theand then shared them with the world like it was news. Well, guess what British men overwhelmingly like drawing on dusty British vans? If you said "a penis," you would be correct. They also gathered statistics on what different genders notice first in dirty van art. As it turns out, women are most likely to see the words "Clean Me" written on the window of a dust-covered van, while men are twice as likely to notice a penis. Because duh! Does that mean guys always find penises funny?
Well, not necessarily. Just ask Christopher Taft, 21, a resident of Holly Hill, Florida, who was charged with aggravated battery and battery after shooting his sister with a BB gun in the buttocks—yes, the buttocks —in retaliation for a penis-shaped birthday cake, which she'd given to him as a supposed prank. No reports on whether the cake was cream-filled. Sorry, sorry.
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Today's Top Stories. An Accident Nearly Killed Me. Therapy Saved Me. We're still not sure what happened to him—he stopped sharing updates after drawing a smiley face on his wang—but if you're wondering why he did it in the first place, here's his explanation: "I put it on when I was bored and a girl started sending pictures of her feet. Gentlemen, begin assembling your scrotum puns. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses.
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